Friday, March 28, 2014

Hail Mary

Lately, I find myself praying the “Hail Mary” when I’m stressed, upset, sad, or just because.  After all, she is the ultimate mother.  She went through far more with her son than I will ever have to experience with my kids.  If she can do all of that, surely I can survive this life.  When I pray to her, I think of my grandma.  I can feel myself calm down and a peace come over me.  This really helps me during the kids’ bedtime!

I’ve been struggling lately.  Struggling with so many things.  Like many others, I’m a wife, mother, daughter, friend, and teacher.  I have so many roles and I seem to take on more and more.  I want to do it all and if I commit to something, I don’t want to fail.  I want to do it to the best of my ability. 

Life’s been weighing me down.  I haven’t been able to fully bounce back from my grandmother’s death and all of the kids’ health issues (especially Gavin) have been non stop.  We can’t catch a break! I realize I just have to say no.  I have to streamline and declutter my life. We had to back out of World Wide Marriage Encounter and I recently have had to come to terms with the fact that there is no way I can run the River Run in May.  I simply don’t have the time to train properly and it is not worth an injury.  This is both a sad and freeing  decision. 

I honestly don’t think people understand how difficult it can be to have three children, one of which has special needs.  The money, stress, and time spent is crazy, and his condition isn’t as bad as some kids.  We are constantly told that we can’t get help for him because we both work and he is smart.  Something is wrong with the system if you have to be dumb and poor to get help. 

Often people have good intentions, but when they question decisions made by us or doctors or claim they know more about a situation, it is like a slap in the face.  Brian and I spend countless hours researching, meeting with people, and on the phone trying to make the best decisions about his care.  We don’t take anything lightly. 

I’m gaining weight, exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed out to the max.  I’ve got to regain control.  This is not a pity party of one, its my life.  I’m blessed in so many ways and try to thank God each and every day for those blessings.   As I’ve done so many times before, all I can do is put my big girl pants on and plug through one day at a time.  I just may have to say a lot of “Hail Marys”!

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